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Why Do I Attract The Wrong Type & How Can I Change It?

hello Darlings, 

Today I want to start answering a few questions that I have been getting in my inbox. Today's topic is about how we often attract the "wrong type" (same person different face syndrome) and how we can change that. Love seems to be so complicated these days, and in a way I think it is and I don't want to pretend to answer this question exhaustively today. However, I'd like to open a discussion about it. 

First, I would like to say that many times I have not been in control of the people whom I attract. I could be in my ugliest disposition (in my opinion) after a wild workout, sweaty, my face pink because of the exercise and still manage to get a couple of whistles on my way out or a few invitations for a ride while I am jogging (creepy!). 

Here are some simple pointers that I have learned along the way. If you have a good one to share, please do so below in the comment section.

Stand at the right spot

In one of my favorite books, the author compares love to a bus ride. It's only logical to think that in order for us to get to our destination by bus we must wait for it at one of the bus stops along the designated route, right? You can wait all you want at a different bus stop but you will never encounter the bus you are waiting for until you position yourself on the correct route. 

This little analogy simply illustrates this: where are you meeting the people you meet? So many times we want to get different results while maintaining the same habits, which is not possible. Maybe it is time to surround ourselves with different people and start going to places that can bring us growth, fulfillment, and peace to see how our social circle will change. 

Sometimes, we are so set in our ways that even the smallest thing out of our comfort zone can be challenging. Yes, this may mean that you will have to trim some friends out of your life, to be the boring one that does not go the "hot spots" anymore. But today I challenge you to re-evaluate where you usually meet the same "wrong" people and start making different choices. 

Mixed signals

I started by saying that in many cases we are not responsible for who is attracted to us and why. However, that is not entirely true and let me explain why. It is important that our reputation, our intentions, and our behavior matches the kind of people we really are and hope to attract. If I am overly flirty to many people and don't seem to have standards, anyone will just feel like they can approach me, or worse, they might assume we will fall for them and take us for granted from the get go. 

On the other hand, experts are still trying to explain the whole concept of attraction and how even without trying, people will be attracted to specific people rather than others. This means that even when we send the right signals and position ourselves properly, we may still attract the wrong people which is why what we do with the attraction we feel or with the interest we know another person has, is and will always be our responsibility. Our words must align with our actions. Let's stop sending mixed signals, let's stand by our word and standards and live out what we say we want. For example: We can't pretend we just want to be friends while getting or giving the benefits of a GF/ BF or spouse. 

Let's have the courage to be selective with our words and actions, to take responsibility for the ones we choose to utter and not misguide others with our lack of integrity. Let's practice patience and let things unfold in a natural way, and allow time to reveal many things that we can't see if we hastily decide that the person I just met is my next GF/BF. 

Understanding you

I once met a young lady on a plane that shared her life story with me. I was surprised when she told me that after 7 years she had left the father of her kids because he was wrong for her but that she already was contemplating another relationship with a similar type of guy. In my head I was like "Really?!"  It was so obvious to me that this was NOT the right way to go about getting a new and  better relationship.  However, the more we talked, the more I realized that she had never spent time on her own since the beginning of her teenage years and did not know what life was without a significant other in her life. She simply did not know who she was or where she wanted to go in life.  

I can't help but think back to the scene in the movie

The Runaway Bride

, where a girl had lots of success with men, however she got famous for leaving them at the altar on the day of their wedding because she just seemed to not be able to go through with it. I like the scene in which a journalist starts investigating her behavior and realizes that she has always had her eggs in the morning the way her boyfriend at the time likes it. So when she is asked the simple question of how she likes her eggs, she is unable to respond and that simple question leads her on a journey of discovery (without any men in her life) and growth. 

You were created with a purpose and until you understand that, you may settle for anything really. Whether it be good or bad. 

♥ 

I remember that painful time in which I finally decided that it was time to regroup with myself and get to know me instead of trying to be the person others would like. That lead me to a more important question about my purpose in life. I chose to turn to my Creator for that and I am so glad I did. 

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Love chronicles | More than a ring, a life long commitment


hello Darlings,

First week of May! can you believe it? Though we are still in spring, summer is already in the air. We live on a tropical island so we benefit from the year long warm sand, beach picnics, salty air, popsicles and yummy tropical fruit.  However, for my husband and I May will always be special because it is our anniversary month. This year we will be celebrating our first year of marriage and what a wonderful adventure this has been!

To highlight the occasion I will be writing a 'love chronicle' attempting to address different questions I've gotten over the year after sharing our love story, and how we met.

Everyone loves a good love story. I remember the day my husband and I decided to post on social media that we were engaged, it felt like Facebook and Instagram were going to crash because of all the traffic and commotion it caused. I remember all the attention we got and the love that people expressed by supporting our union, wishing us well and spoiling us with gifts. If you haven't experienced this do not dispair; this post is not about that, you probably know someone around you that has.

My husband proposed on top of the Rockefeller (top of the Rock) in NYC, after singing and playing our song
in front of like 200 curious and excited tourists.

However, I am a bit concerned that we don't talk enough about the hard, day to day, life commitment that you are signing up for that is not so overtly expressed behind the overload of staged Instagram pictures (#engaged #Isaidyes #futuremrs) or the borderline spam, love-gushing statuses. While there's nothing wrong with expressing our love, I believe that the wedding industry, along with other things (yes television, music and Pinterest I am looking at you!) have sold us a dream that can not last unless we get our facts straight.

Love is a commitment and it is beautiful. I dated only one man, and now I am married to him and I know that I am more in love with him today than the day I said "I will" and "I do". Love is a commitment that does not crumble with absence, in presence of other options, with distance, when I get annoyed or when I am cranky because of stress, hunger of just because I need a nap. This kind of love is not blind, in other words it does not belong in a magazine but on your real life couch where you will snuggle or next to a hospital bed when going through sickness.

Darling, please before you look at your naked ring finger and vow to do anything (or to settle) in order to get one, think that you were not made to merely get attention but to know real, committed love. See the thing is, an engagement ring does not have magic powers; it will NOT fulfill any pre-existing lonelines problems, or quiet any insecurities. It will not make you whole or make you love yourself more. All those things MUST happen and will hopefully happen BEFORE the ring.

It takes courage to love, but it takes everything to first love ourselves the way God intended. Like an author once said: "It's not about ALL the attention proposals get, it's not about the ring or even the wedding plans. It is about a commitment for LIFE. Is that what you want? Or do you just want to be #engaged?"


And just as I said "Yes", it started raining really really hard. My husband and I jut stood there dancing in the rain.
We could not stop smiling.

"Unless the Lord builds a house,
    the work of the builders is wasted.
Unless the Lord protects a city,
    guarding it with sentries will do no good." (Psalm 127:1)



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(Part 2) Before running down the aisle, please leave baggage at the door



Today, I am excited to share part 2. Not because I am proud of my baggage or anything but mostly because I have received so many testimonies on how these words are speaking and challenging you. I thank God for this and give Him all the glory. If you have not read part 1, make sure you read it as well!

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Here is the BIG, fat load that I had to surrender at the cross. I have mentioned before that a good self esteem is the new sexy and I know that by personal experience. I had to learn that no matter how I feel when I wake up in the morning my value does not change.

On a previous post I wrote about how there are so many things fighting to make us forget how beautiful God made us. For some it is sexual abuse, for others the media or the size on the labels of their clothing but whatever it is, something or someone planted a seed of lie to kill your confidence.

Do not to attach your worth to mortal things because it is dangerous. Once the thing we attached our identity to dies or leaves, we are left devastated and disoriented. There is only one person who can truly and accurately tell me the degree of my beauty: GOD. This is because he made me and only he knows the time it took to form my awesome hair and my big personality. Please understand that it is not because people don’t see or appreciate your beauty that you are not beautiful. If your heart is hidden in God, you are His child; that is your identity. 

Being confident is not an act or a show. It is a reality that only a girl that has had the guts to be confronted with the truth and has left it all at the cross can enjoy. 

You are so loved. (Isaiah 49:16)

Get rid of the people you hate
 Yes. I myself had to meditate for a while on how I would get rid of the people that had badly hurt me. The answer that God gave was much unexpected. He showed me that the only real way to be free from the unwanted link that tied me to hurting memories from the past is FORGIVENESS. I know that when you’ve spent so much energy hating somebody that really deserves it, to have someone talk to you about forgiveness is almost insulting. 

God asks for us to forgive people that have hurt us for many reasons, but here are a few of my favorites.

1. Hate takes a lot of energy and is not stagnant. It actually grows and starts taking roots in our hearts. Before we know it, we will start talking like a bitter person and make decisions based on that one person from the past. The bible clearly says that from the abundance of the heart speaks the mouth (Luke 6:45).

2. Forgiveness will not give you a sudden episode of amnesia making you forget the wrongdoing, at least not immediately, but it will surely heal your memories. It will allow you to cut the memory link that is holding you hostage and tied to the very person you want to forget; it is like letting them go and giving your pain to God. 

3. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision that we make in obedience to God’s love and forgiveness to us. He gives us the divine power to carry out our choice to obey, and as a natural result, we are freed of the hurt the wound caused. The harsh truth is this: if we do not forgive, God will not forgive us (Matthew 6:15), no matter how good we are or think we are. We are all sinners, and as a result, we all need forgiveness. So, why would I want or expect God to forgive my faults if I am unwilling to forgive the faults of others? We often like to hold ourselves to different standards because we may feel that we are more righteous than others (I know I do many times). The truth is, we have all stood in the ‘guilty spot’ wishing someone would give us a second chance. Forgiveness does that.

You have to look at forgiveness like a double-sided band aid. In the sense that it has double action and both have to be accepted in order to fully benefit from it. First, like I mentioned before, we need to forgive others but we must also accept God’s forgiveness towards us and while forgiving ourselves. You no longer have to keep punishing yourself by getting into all the wrong relationships or by accepting abuse. You have to accept forgiveness because Jesus already paid the price and carried on Him all the punishment. Sounds crazy? Yes. That’s because we are so used to receiving punishment for our actions, but God is offering a different way. Take this second (third, fourth or as many as you need...) chance and walk FREE.

The  X   

Yeah. Now let’s talk about the ex-girlfriend or the stalkers that are constantly after the person you love. What do you want me to tell you? Take her by the hair and drag her to the nearest bathroom stall and drown her a bit? Nope. Not exactly what I had in mind, actually. 

This may be hard to swallow but your lover’s past makes Him who he is now. The twists and turns his/her life took, were part of their journey and God knew that when He brought him into your life. I have written about God’s desire to keep us from heartbreaks but not everyone’s experience is the same, and thankfully there’s hope. 

The way to get rid of your lover’s ex-girlfriend is love. I hear you! I sound hippie with all my love talk, especially that some ex’s are evil and immature. You may be mad that you read all the way here just for this but this is the liberating truth of Christ. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). One of my mentors once told me that the best way to love an unlovable person is to start praying for them. Pray for that person that you don’t like or that you think you should not like and you will see how your heart will be healed and your perspective will change. At the end of the day what really counts is that your heart is clean and free to love. You know the world may expect you to be ‘all rude’ and have an attitude towards ex’s but Christ’s logic is always contrary to the world’s. 

On my road to the altar I learned that I can truly and sincerely love someone that everyone expects me to hate. Not with my own strength but as I strive to sincerely die to my flesh, I experience not only victory but healing, restoration, and supernatural love.

I am right most of the time…but not always

Ha! I am a choleric-phlegmatic with a dash of melancholic (my temperament combination) and this mix tends to have the natural gift of rapidly detecting a problem and just as fast, finding a solution. This is a blessing and also a curse in disguise because people with these temperaments, are often right (very often if you ask me). Other temperament mixes may resent ‘Cholerics’ because while they are still evaluating the situation, ‘cholerics’ have not only found the solution but are probably already lining people to execute their plan. 

Note: if you want to do a temperment Personality test here is a good one!

I had to learn that in my relationship I don’t always have to be right even when it’s obvious that I am. The Holy Spirit often holds my mouth and convicts me of my ‘I told you so’ mental speeches to people. Love is not about who is right or wrong (which really is a self-seeking satisfaction for our ego), but about serving each other in love. We are ALL on a journey, we are all (hopefully) better then we once were, but we are NOT perfect; we are on our way there.

The point is not to repress your personality or wish for a temperament transplant (like I once did) but to embrace our strengths and constantly bring our weaknesses to the feet of Jesus for grace to overcome and for forgiveness when needed.

I’ve met many young people that are still single (or not very happy in their relationship) because it is ‘their way or the highway’. They have set patterns to do everything and refuse to be flexible or to compromise when it comes to change. Stubbornness is not a virtue and God truly has a better way. Do not always fight to have it your way. Start evaluating where you could let others be right from time to time (even if it ends up being a complete mistake) it will stretch for growth. 

On my road to the altar I learned that love covers multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Even my own.   

Bottom line

I wish I did not have to write this but I learned that my tantrums were only a reflection of why I was not ready to marry before I did. In other words, it was not until I accepted God’s help to be healed from my memories, for His love to quiet my insecurities and it wasn’t until I decided to grow up and handle conflicts like an adult, that I could truly enjoy God’s gift for me.


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Never been Kissed: Why our first Kiss was on our wedding day


Here I was, 28 and standing at the altar facing the best version of the man of my dreams and I was about to be kissed for the first time. Birds were singing, the sun was shining, and time seemed to have stopped for both of us as the pastor said “You may now kiss your bride.” My husband tenderly embraced me, and for a few seconds we looked into each other’s eyes, smiling with an overwhelming sense of love, peace, satisfaction and sweet anticipation. My first kiss was perfect. 

I know. I can imagine all the questions coming to your mind after this introduction. How many people do you know that are passed 12 and that have still not been kissed? Let alone, someone over 20 years old. Who dates for almost 3 years without ever kissing (on the mouth) or making out?  Let me assure you that this did not happen because either of us are helpless, unattractive, socially awkward freaks (or so we like to think). Neither of us is ‘sexually confused’ and we were always very, very, very attracted to each other. So why not kiss? Why try to take abstinence to whole other level? After all, God did not write in the Bible (at least not in black and white) that kissing was a sin. So, were we trying to be holier than God?

Not your average 13 year old   
It all started when I was 13 and had a different crush every week. I never acted on it but was at the age when I constantly dreamed of the man I would once marry. I looked older so I would be asked to date all the time, but my father quickly rained on my parade using ‘Spanish ways’ to prevent me from dating so young. As I waited for my turn, I started to look for role models, successful young couples that I could imitate and that would inspire me. I discovered that it was hard to find. At school, every ‘love story’ was short and full of unwanted drama. I would have to sit through horrific stories of heart breaks and see each one of my friends lose more than their innocence in the process. At church, well it was like an episode of “Beverly Hills 90210”. By that I mean that everyone had dated every youth group member at some point and had baggage from passed relationships. Even at my young age I classified all my findings as dysfunctional and decided that I wanted a different story. 
That year I gave my heart to Jesus and started learning what surrendering my “whole life” to Him meant. My new found passion for God and His word, combined with the negative results of my very unofficial research led me to a radical decision. If I wanted a different result than the ones I saw from couples (of all ages) around me, I needed to take a different approach than the one they were taking.

The plan: No Dates…until I was ready to marry
I decided not to date until I was ready to marry (which for me was 12 years later) because I wanted to fall in love with one person and not be departed from them ever again. My plan to achieve that goal was that every time I would meet a “potential special someone” or every time I would be asked to date I would ask God first and evaluate the candidate (without getting involved in any way) until I received an answer from God on what I should do. As I started getting deeper in the word and in my intimacy with God, I began to hear His voice and accept His guidance for every area of my life. As a result, I concluded that the romantic area of my life would not be an exception. God showed me that by guarding my heart, I was loving my future husband without even knowing him yet. By abiding under His shadow and guidance, I would not bring to the altar leftovers survived from past heartbreaks; instead I would bring a clean and whole heart able to love freely.

What really happened?
I naively thought that any guy that would claim to like me would understand my boundaries and be delighted to comply (I actually did, goodness). Fortunately, I had a rude awakening. Not all guys were interested in my “heart” to say the least and not all Christian men were ‘godly’. I learned that the whole waiting period sometimes felt like a torture, especially when everyone is trying to marry you off (if you are single you know what I mean). I learned that holiness and respecting myself was not as popular and celebrated, even among Christians. I was ridiculed, pushed, and doubted, but I grew closer to God and my faith ended up getting stronger. I learned that purity comes at a high price of sacrifice and even when no one is watching, God is. God kept me (Jude 1:24) and He did what He promised. He gave me the grace and abundant love necessary to be satisfied and complete in Him. I am aware that we are all at different places in our lives, do not be afraid. God's love can reach you where you are and his grace can cover you.
 For the record my husband was my first boyfriend ever.

The plan: To not Date until I felt complete as a young woman in God’s love
I decided that I wanted a romantic ‘one-of-a-kind’ love story. I wanted the whole package. I wanted the ‘drop dead handsome’ dude, the fearless pursuit, the hand written letters, poems, songs and the acceptance and blessing from all the people around me. In other words, I decided that Shakespeare drama was not for me.  I did not want to live in disobedience and live the painful consequences of it. I simply wanted a happy story that was written by God and that made Him smile. My plan to achieve that part was tricky but I was determined. I decided that I would not look for a boyfriend; instead I was going to let God bring the person to me and choose who it would be. I decided to focus my energy and attention on getting to know my Creator, discovering and developing my talents/gifts, and living fully as a single Christian girl. I wanted to be complete in Christ. I desired to know and love Him to the point that even if He decided not to give me a husband that I would be truly and totally satisfied in His love alone.  I discovered that getting to that point in my relationship with Christ was key to a successful love story; that is if I intended to play by God’s rules. (I know that last part is hard to digest)

What really happened?    
I learned that it was not for me to decide when I was complete. God showed my immature self that He is not bound by time, space or my whims. He taught me that marriage was not about ME (I was like what???), it was about Him being glorified. How? By bringing two people that will challenge each other and point the world to God through their love for each other and their mission. I was lovingly taught that God was not only able to provide for my needs but that he also loved me enough to satisfy my desires as well. He showed me that He knew me better than I knew myself and so as long as he was ruler over my destiny. He would not fail to give me even more abundantly then what I ask or even imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Now I see why the perfect time was the one God picked:May 25, 2009.

What no one wants to hear… 
God challenged me to evaluate what sexual and emotional purity meant and how He desired nothing less than holiness. I realized that a man would never be mine until the day of our wedding, not even while we were engaged. Too many times I saw people that with an extra ounce of arrogance or maybe determination; had played with the fire of passion before the time was right, believing the lie that they were strong enough. I did not want to assume I was. I did not want to have to hide to show love to my companion or ‘seek’ privacy because what we did was not ‘PG’ kind of stuff making others uncomfortable. Many people fail to understand that our bodies belong to God and until He gives permission, no one should touch it with sexual desire. We often act contrary to that. We act like our bodies belong to us and in certain areas God can reign but when it comes to this I can give a little pleasure to my flesh and I get to decide how much.  Call me extremist, radical or crazy but I thought it would be very romantic to kiss the love of my life for the first time the day that he actually became mine and I became his. The day that we would not have to hold back in any way because the time to ‘awake’ loving passion and fully enjoy it had come with God’s blessing.
 
So why not kiss?This post is written as a testimony and not as a theological teaching or argument for you to follow our footsteps. This is a challenge to seek guidance in what to do or not in your relationship based on God’s desire for you and not based on what you see in movies, love songs or your feelings. The Bible says: “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked (…)” (Jeremiah 17:9). This means that your feelings about what you want to do in a relationship are a really bad place to start. Usually, the flesh and the spirit are on two different pages when it comes to the desires of God, so be alert!!!

What about the guy? 
When I met the man who is now my husband, he had been in a previous relationship and ‘not to kiss’ was never an option for him.  Before we dated, we were friends and during that time he discovered my take on kissing before my wedding day. Time passed and when he decided that I was the person he wanted to date and eventually marry, he told me that because he loved me he was going to help me honor my vow to God. During almost 3 years of dating (read our story here and here) we had numerous opportunities to kiss, not only because we wanted to, but also because it felt so right. However, not once did he try to kiss me, even when our feelings dictated otherwise. This revealed so much about my husband’s character and about his love for me. I mean what would happen if you told your date or boyfriend that you did not want to kiss until the day of the wedding? Ha! They would probably think you were crazy. Not my husband, he decided that he was going to put his body under God’s authority and present me clean before God and promote holiness in something as small as this and make my vow his vow as well. Self-control when it comes to the flesh, is a great victory,and it showed me that he was not playing Christian, he was truly living in the spirit even when it was hard. His integrity and determination showed more love than any kiss would have ever had. 
Wherever you stand today, I pray that you will not “be conformed to this world: but (that) you will be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” (Romans 12:2).


Photography belongs to Nuance and bubbles blog. Photography by Rachel Boggs Photography and Alex Istormin. 2013.

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My road to the Altar: from "Hi" to "Will you be my Girlfriend?"


Last week I shared the back story of our love story. Today, I want to share details of the one year of friendship we had as we dealt with our growing attraction to one another.

Shortly after they met in Honduras they started communicating through Social networks (Valerie added Javier on Facebook first and Javier added the picture he snapped of her right after). What started as very short messages morphed into longer and longer ones as the weeks and months went by. They remained in the “friend zone” for nine months. During seven of those months, they decided to limit their communication to the written word. Looking back, they realize that it was not only romantic, but it also developed patience and communication skills without making them feel closer than they really were at that point. It acted like a speed break in this pen pal relationship charged with great chemistry.

Real friends, not friends with benefits
Many times, when we first meet interesting people, we get excited and sometimes burn through the stages. We make an acquaintance into a “friend with emotional benefits” right from the start. We decide from the start that this good looking, interesting person I met today can potentially be my next BF or GF. Making such a premature decision leads many people to overlook serious character flaws and major red flags because their emotions and hormones (let’s face it!) are already involved. In reality, this period should be a time to cultivate a real friendship. At this crucial point, where a friendship can potentially become a relationship, Self- Control (a fruit of the Spirit) is necessary in order to get to know the person and not how much they like you.

After nine months of talking about everything, except how much they were starting to like each other, they had the inevitable ‘serious talk’. It was on Valerie’s birthday (2010) that she asked for clarifications about what their exchanges meant to him, since for the past two months they had upgraded to daily phone conversations in which the intensity was undeniable. That night Valerie received the longest most beautifully written declaration followed by a long phone conversation where Javier explained the adventure on which he wanted to take Valerie, if she accepted.

Be pursued but don’t lose your voice
I am a firm believer that there’s a great blessing and beauty in a woman being pursued by the person that really wants to conquer her heart (which should be hidden in Christ). However, I do not believe that women should lose their voice during the process because God gave us a heart, a mind, and desires of our own to use. Many people make the mistake of assuming that lovers should read each other’s minds when truly the only person that can unmistakably know all our desires and completely satisfy them is God.
From the get-go, communication is very important. You only stand to gain from asking the right questions and communicating your expectations, as long as they are realistic. As a woman, I had to learn to be fair in what I desired from a godly human man as oppose to what Disney (or Hollywood) taught me about men. The harsh truth is that if I was not willing or able to live up to my mental “ideal”, I should not expect it from others either.
I want to say to all my sisters out there: if after you have clearly communicated your desires and expectations, you do not feel respected, heard or comfortable, have the faith and the self-respect to move away from that situation. If you made a mistake, God will let you know and guide you back, but do not stay because of fear that you may be missing out on love.

The nine months leading up to “the talk” were really important and proved to be beautiful and full of small steps of faith. They never crossed boundaries trying to get romantic. Instead, they worked on cultivating a friendship that proved to be a great foundation for their future marriage. Javier visited Valerie during different Conferences and events around the U.S. and other parts of the world (which was part of her job) to show that he was serious about getting to know. However, he never tried to be romantic until he became sure that this was what God desired for them both. They separately prayed for each other, asking God to reveal each other’s heart, for guidance, and for His will to be done. On February they had “the talk” and set a date in June for Javier’s visit to Montreal to ask her father’s blessing to date her. On June 28, 2011 they started their dating relationship, a year after they had met.

Pray, consult, and THEN act.
 I’ve been to many youth camps and other high intensity youth events and shortly after I start seeing relationship status changes and new added pictures with ‘special’ friends appear on my social network feeds. Other times, couples have come to me and said, “Hey Val, this is my new BF or GF and we are dating to find out God’s will for us to be together.”
The truth is, we are called to pray before, during, and after we meet special people (NEVER stop praying is really what God says). However, choosing to hastily follow our heart can be dangerous because the heart is deceiving, but if we choose to pray and wait to hear from God, we would save ourselves a lot of trouble, don’t you think? No, there will not always be an angel that will appear in your room (with a bright light) to say, “YES, this is my will for your life.” But I am of the school of thought that believes in a God who still speaks to his people. In our case, God chose to feed us bits of information little by little (this required constant faith, trust and patience.)
If God would’ve given us a definite “yes” we may have become overconfident and ruined something that was meant to be handled with care; in other words, in godly fear, wisdom, and timing. Take a chill pill, and spend more time praying and in God’s word instead of trying to impress or catch that cute person you met at youth revival or something. It is in the presence of God and in His word that you will be reminded of the characteristics of love itself. Ask for wisdom to handle your emotions until you feel peace that this special person you have met, truly has God’s character and produces fruit that prove it.  
Here are some of the things God did during the time Javier and Valerie were getting to know each other.

They were separately invited to minister in the same places and without knowing they would meet there (keep in mind that they were in separate countries). Unknowingly, in their written correspondence Javier started communicating things that Valerie had written to God in her prayer journal. In Javier’s case, Valerie’s non-flirtatious attitude, while in this day and age unconventional, made her even more attractive to him. Contrary to popular belief, guys (especially godly ones) do not see spouse material in the obvious, flirty girl that is falling at their feet. Hard to get (not as game but just being more in love with God and confident in that fact) is much more attractive and lets guys know that you are not a toy to play with, but someone that deserves being pursued and conquered the right way.  Another way God manifested himself in their relationship was that He began to place peace in their family members’ hearts and they all started falling in love with each other even though they had never met. Being from the same denomination, Javier and Valerie had a lot of friends in common but had NEVER heard of each other. After they met, all these friends started praying and were thrilled that they met.
During the whole ‘open to receive God’s direction” process,  Javier and Valerie were willing to pull away from their correspondence if at any point they felt it was what God required because their relationship with Him was and is the most important thing in this whole world.

It’s not ALL spiritual
Honestly, I spoke a lot about the spiritual aspect of the pursuit because it is the core of what it should be, but not every aspect of love is spiritual. Coming from a Pentecostal background, I have seen too many people over-spiritualize certain things that should not be. When you meet someone special, you have to connect in different areas: enjoy each other’s company, sense of humor, physical appearance and intellect. You HAVE to be attracted to each other in every way and that takes time to discover and unveil. Time will tell who this person really is because you can only put your “best foot forward” while conquering for so long. You want to fall in love with a friend (a friend that you are very hot for) and make God smile through the whole process.

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