Today, I am excited to share part 2. Not because I am proud of my baggage or anything but mostly because I have received so many testimonies on how these words are speaking and challenging you. I thank God for this and give Him all the glory. If you have not read part 1, make sure you read it as well!
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Here is the BIG, fat load that I had to surrender at the cross. I have mentioned before that a good self esteem is the new sexy and I know that by personal experience. I had to learn that no matter how I feel when I wake up in the morning my value does not change.
On a previous post I wrote about how there are so many things fighting to make us forget how beautiful God made us. For some it is sexual abuse, for others the media or the size on the labels of their clothing but whatever it is, something or someone planted a seed of lie to kill your confidence.
Do not to attach your worth to mortal things because it is dangerous. Once the thing we attached our identity to dies or leaves, we are left devastated and disoriented. There is only one person who can truly and accurately tell me the degree of my beauty: GOD. This is because he made me and only he knows the time it took to form my awesome hair and my big personality. Please understand that it is not because people don’t see or appreciate your beauty that you are not beautiful. If your heart is hidden in God, you are His child; that is your identity.
Being confident is not an act or a show. It is a reality that only a girl that has had the guts to be confronted with the truth and has left it all at the cross can enjoy.
You are so loved. (Isaiah 49:16)
Get rid of the people you hate
Yes. I myself had to meditate for a while on how I would get rid of the people that had badly hurt me. The answer that God gave was much unexpected. He showed me that the only real way to be free from the unwanted link that tied me to hurting memories from the past is FORGIVENESS. I know that when you’ve spent so much energy hating somebody that really deserves it, to have someone talk to you about forgiveness is almost insulting.
God asks for us to forgive people that have hurt us for many reasons, but here are a few of my favorites.
1. Hate takes a lot of energy and is not stagnant. It actually grows and starts taking roots in our hearts. Before we know it, we will start talking like a bitter person and make decisions based on that one person from the past. The bible clearly says that from the abundance of the heart speaks the mouth (Luke 6:45).
2. Forgiveness will not give you a sudden episode of amnesia making you forget the wrongdoing, at least not immediately, but it will surely heal your memories. It will allow you to cut the memory link that is holding you hostage and tied to the very person you want to forget; it is like letting them go and giving your pain to God.
3. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision that we make in obedience to God’s love and forgiveness to us. He gives us the divine power to carry out our choice to obey, and as a natural result, we are freed of the hurt the wound caused. The harsh truth is this: if we do not forgive, God will not forgive us (Matthew 6:15), no matter how good we are or think we are. We are all sinners, and as a result, we all need forgiveness. So, why would I want or expect God to forgive my faults if I am unwilling to forgive the faults of others? We often like to hold ourselves to different standards because we may feel that we are more righteous than others (I know I do many times). The truth is, we have all stood in the ‘guilty spot’ wishing someone would give us a second chance. Forgiveness does that.
You have to look at forgiveness like a double-sided band aid. In the sense that it has double action and both have to be accepted in order to fully benefit from it. First, like I mentioned before, we need to forgive others but we must also accept God’s forgiveness towards us and while forgiving ourselves. You no longer have to keep punishing yourself by getting into all the wrong relationships or by accepting abuse. You have to accept forgiveness because Jesus already paid the price and carried on Him all the punishment. Sounds crazy? Yes. That’s because we are so used to receiving punishment for our actions, but God is offering a different way. Take this second (third, fourth or as many as you need...) chance and walk FREE.
Yeah. Now let’s talk about the ex-girlfriend or the stalkers that are constantly after the person you love. What do you want me to tell you? Take her by the hair and drag her to the nearest bathroom stall and drown her a bit? Nope. Not exactly what I had in mind, actually.
This may be hard to swallow but your lover’s past makes Him who he is now. The twists and turns his/her life took, were part of their journey and God knew that when He brought him into your life. I have written about God’s desire to keep us from heartbreaks but not everyone’s experience is the same, and thankfully there’s hope.
The way to get rid of your lover’s ex-girlfriend is love. I hear you! I sound hippie with all my love talk, especially that some ex’s are evil and immature. You may be mad that you read all the way here just for this but this is the liberating truth of Christ. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). One of my mentors once told me that the best way to love an unlovable person is to start praying for them. Pray for that person that you don’t like or that you think you should not like and you will see how your heart will be healed and your perspective will change. At the end of the day what really counts is that your heart is clean and free to love. You know the world may expect you to be ‘all rude’ and have an attitude towards ex’s but Christ’s logic is always contrary to the world’s.
On my road to the altar I learned that I can truly and sincerely love someone that everyone expects me to hate. Not with my own strength but as I strive to sincerely die to my flesh, I experience not only victory but healing, restoration, and supernatural love.
I am right most of the time…but not always
Ha! I am a choleric-phlegmatic with a dash of melancholic (my temperament combination) and this mix tends to have the natural gift of rapidly detecting a problem and just as fast, finding a solution. This is a blessing and also a curse in disguise because people with these temperaments, are often right (very often if you ask me). Other temperament mixes may resent ‘Cholerics’ because while they are still evaluating the situation, ‘cholerics’ have not only found the solution but are probably already lining people to execute their plan.
Note: if you want to do a temperment Personality test here is a good one!
I had to learn that in my relationship I don’t always have to be right even when it’s obvious that I am. The Holy Spirit often holds my mouth and convicts me of my ‘I told you so’ mental speeches to people. Love is not about who is right or wrong (which really is a self-seeking satisfaction for our ego), but about serving each other in love. We are ALL on a journey, we are all (hopefully) better then we once were, but we are NOT perfect; we are on our way there.
The point is not to repress your personality or wish for a temperament transplant (like I once did) but to embrace our strengths and constantly bring our weaknesses to the feet of Jesus for grace to overcome and for forgiveness when needed.
I’ve met many young people that are still single (or not very happy in their relationship) because it is ‘their way or the highway’. They have set patterns to do everything and refuse to be flexible or to compromise when it comes to change. Stubbornness is not a virtue and God truly has a better way. Do not always fight to have it your way. Start evaluating where you could let others be right from time to time (even if it ends up being a complete mistake) it will stretch for growth.
On my road to the altar I learned that love covers multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Even my own.
I wish I did not have to write this but I learned that my tantrums were only a reflection of why I was not ready to marry before I did. In other words, it was not until I accepted God’s help to be healed from my memories, for His love to quiet my insecurities and it wasn’t until I decided to grow up and handle conflicts like an adult, that I could truly enjoy God’s gift for me.